Captain's log #10 - self-soothing behavior

6/10/17

This really is a fascinating place to work!

In the Crisis Unit they help people develop skills to fit into society, for example, Impulse Control, that’s a big one.

How do you handle someone tailgating you? Do you imagine they have someplace important to be, a medical emergency, pull over and let them pass? Do you slow down to ‘teach’ them to back off? Or do you ‘flip them off?’ I think staff at the Sonoma Developmental Center would recommend you pull over. I can imagine that some people, including clients, might feel that this required ‘polite’ behavior forfeits an element of their personal uniqueness: I will pound on the glass at the nurses’ station because you all and this place pisses me off!  They (we) are trapped here and must conform. Do you remember the 1967 British series The Prisoner? “A major theme of the series is individualism… versus collectivism. The series aimed to demonstrate a balance between the two points.” Balance, huh? I don’t remember that part. It’s on YouTube, must re-watch and find some insight.

How does one acquire impulse control? Is it learned in childhood though imposed ‘time outs’ or taking away ‘privileges’ or formerly through spankings? All of these are punishments, as is withholding communication or social interaction (holding a grudge.) This can be a slippery slope. What’s that phrase? If your only tool is a hammer every problem looks like a nail. Or are you more focused on acknowledging the behavior you would like to see more of through positive reinforcement?

I don’t think I mentioned that I got called into the supervisor’s office – again- for another ‘talking to.’ I wouldn’t mind if it was only talking but it is followed up by an email ‘summarizing our conversation’ that, while I’m told isn’t filed in my permanent personnel record, a copy goes to the director of the department. I had apparently dissed a women who’s worked in the department for years. I was not deferential enough to her in an exchange involving someone from another department. No need to go into the details but I was alarmed by the second official ‘summary of our conversation’ email. I made an appointment with our new 2^nd level manager, who is an experienced manager and I believe a genuinely fair person. I gave her my resume so she could see the things I’ve done, explained my motives for getting this entry level job, my intensions of transferring to another position that requires a college degree (all managers are required to support the advancement of their people.) I asked for a personnel evaluation, which is not required for limited-term employees like myself and gave her a sample evaluation form that I would like her to consider using with me to acknowledge successes and give guidance where improvement is needed. She was open and agreeable. Time will tell. I do confess I mentioned the rampant abuse of overtime among the (unnamed) employees. Ppwwp! So there! I am a complete novice with this workplace scene. My mother used to say, “keep your nose clean, your head down and do a good job.” I’m not sure about the clean nose part, I could have used more detail.

Another thing I’ve observed is the importance of Self Soothing Behavior. On the units it’s not uncommon to see clients rocking back and forth, one woman chews on specially designed towels, other people slap their heads or bite their hands. I was at a facility-wide staff meeting and saw an employee I’d met during new employee training, self-identified as autistic, rocking to and fro. Whoa! She’s probably revealing more about herself to others than she might wish. I was thinking: OMG what do I do - that is obvious to others – that is self-soothing behavior? OMG I knit in public! Some people draw doodles, others tap their pens on the table. For some of us repeatedly checking our email or Facebook posts is self-soothing behavior. Other people eat, some people smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol or binge-watch TV. I do a few of these, what do you do?

Spoiler Alert: Speaking of Impulse Control, and Interior Voices-continued. The Developmental Center had their annual Summerfest employee appreciation party Tuesday. There were 2 food trucks, a creative brain-teasing game that dusted off an unused part of my brain, and other activities. The focus was to release negativity and see The Positive. I particularly enjoyed the live rock band. Kevin, my partner and a professional drummer, judges the success of his gigs by the number of people who danced. In that case Tuesday’s band had a very bad day – except for me! I figured since I didn’t know anyone, who cares if I dance my ass off? Which I did. In this there is a serious lack of impulse control, I can’t help but move to music, even in grocery stores. I have to be careful or people think I’m nuts but in front of a live band, you’re supposed to dance. No alcohol was served so there weren’t any men dancing. Forgive me if that’s a sexist statement, it’s based on personal experience. Prove me wrong.

They interrupted the music to have a group photo. I found myself standing next to a guy who said, “Nice dancing.”

“Thanks,” I said, “it’s genetic. What do you do around here?”

“I facilitate the Zumba classes at lunch time.” Which I have participated in twice. It’s too much like line dancing, I’m always out of step. “And I’m a psychologist here.”

“Oh! You are just the person I want to talk with.” I explained where I work, what I do and have seen in the records. “How common is it for people to hear voices?”

He looked a little surprised. “Well, we all have a voice in our head, an internal conversation. Some people report hearing voices but it’s only when the voices cause problems, violence, that people end up here.” I mentioned my one and only experience with another voice not my own. He replied, “I not only see people here, I have a practice on the outside.” Hahaha! He thought I was looking for help! Or perhaps like anyone at a party, people want you to give them free advice. “You’re a winemaker! A real estate agent! A _______! (fill in the blank.)”

Not one to give in lightly I went on, “Don’t you think it’s somewhat unethical to drug people to the point of near stupor, to imprison them in their bodies just so they don’t kill themselves?” “I see your point,” (that’s a phrase I’m going to have to use more often, it’s great to hear) “but I believe there is something after death and I’d hate to have (being responsible for someone’s death) influence my future there.”

Yeah, ok. (Don’t get me started about Unicorns and Leprechauns… But what do I know about god, heaven, ghosts, spirits? After all, butterflies taste with their feet, bats ‘see’ with their ears.) Yeah but what if your preventing people from killing themselves is mucking up their after life? We didn’t get to that.

“Suicide is devastating.”

“Only for the people left behind,” I said. We talked about our personal experiences, and I mentioned my reaction to the antibiotic Cipro, how it causes the suicidal thought, “Why the f___ bother?” And he spoke about the effects of medication, it sounded like he had a lot of experience prescribing medications.

He said, “Some of the (severely physically disabled) people here are incredibly happy, and we - who have everything - are often unhappy…”

I am counting YOU among my many blessings,

Karla, k.j. and mom

P.S. It’s a family of Hutton’s Viero with the nest above our screen room. Second brood coming along fine. Doing a good job of turning bugs into birds.

P.S.S. The potluck went well. I went overboard and provided 3 Norwegian food-things: meatballs and potatoes; gietost & crackers; and pickled herring with butter and rye bread. It was all very good. A couple of adventurous people tried the herring. If you eat sashimi you should try pickled herring. I learned something: bring a food that someone can dip a spoon into and plop on their plates.