Captain's Log #12 - “Trouble” must be my middle name

6/25/17

I just can’t get over family. You don’t see someone for a decade, or two, and when you do it’s ‘total acceptance.’ This surprises me every time. And you can speak to them differently, too, to a friend you might say “When you roll through the flashing red light I feel very anxious because I’m needing safety, would you be willing to come to a complete stop next time?” To a family member you can say “What!? They don’t have flashing red lights where you’re from?!” and receive a cute, sheepish grin.

Some of you may know that I’ve been straightening my teeth with Invisaline for the past 3 years(!) God was texting during the installation of my teeth. He tossed them in like throwing dice. For 40 years I’ve been embarrassed to show them, all you got was lips, sometimes smiling. I’ve become a connoisseur of other people’s crooked teeth, thinking “Mine are worse than yours,” or, “Wow! YOU’ve got crooked teeth!” To my son,  “Your slightly crooked teeth are cute, they have charm.”*  My teeth would scare people, they did me. 

The orthodontist glued on the little triangular bits on my teeth to give the plastic ‘trays’ something to grab on to, they’ll be ground off at the end, if there is an end. He’s a perfectionist, I think he’s planning on signing my front tooth. I could have stopped two months ago but he strongly encouraged me to commit to another 7 months! (at no charge.) Needless to say, I’ve been seeing a lot of him, the gray at his temples is expanding.  He, and all of his employees, have these big, bright, blindingly perfect teeth. You need sunglasses to go in his office!

Years ago my manager said “Why don’t you smile?” I think she thought I’d have more real estate clients if I did. And later I read that the muscles in  your face impact your brain chemistry, the physical act of smiling makes you happy, even if you only clench a pencil between your teeth. It was that information that convinced me to begin straightening my teeth – at age 61: it’s finally time to feel happy. I’ve been practicing smiling, it’s a foreign activity. At work people show their teeth when they pass you in the hall, in a friendly manner, except for the two women who won’t make eye contact with me. (Whatever.)

About being happy, I was at one of the units this past week and saw a tall, youngish client in the hall. She beamed at me, completely overflowing with happiness, “I’m going to work!” I’m with you, sister. Having recently experienced too much time on my hands with nothing to do, going to work is a real blessing.

I was cleaning up a client’s record from the crisis unit, she is going someplace else. I hope she’ll be happy there, this place seems really boring, at least what I see of it. Our primary focus with people in the crisis unit is to dial-in their medications. Lack of impulse control? Give them so much of “this,” “this” and “this.” Oh, we notice unpleasant side effects? Like complete and total lethargy? Let’s tweak the drugs a little. Honestly, this unit is for Drug Trials, only the people are imprisoned. That’s one way of looking at it, another is the hope that there is some perfect combination of drugs that will allow them to be out in public, maybe keep a job instead of punching someone in the face. And, too, according to their records, the staff educates clients how to be aware of their emotions and attempt alternative responses: breathing, meditation, going for a walk. Hmm, that’s the same thing they told us at the New Employee Training workshop. According to her record, this client has been on this unit for one year and gained 10 pounds. Fat and happy?

Speaking of weight, having these Invisaline trays in my mouth has impacted my eating patterns. When I started the process I was on Weight Watcher where you’re encouraged to eat a little bit all day but with having to remove and replace my trays, brush and floss my teeth every time I ate, my hands were in my mouth all day! Whose got the time? So, I’ve been eating fewer, larger meals and have gained about 15 pounds in 3 years. I’m waiting for someone to remark on my weight gain: I’ll give them a blindingly happy smile, “I’m taking my meds!”

“Trouble” must be my middle name. If there’s a way of getting in trouble, I’ll find it. I had another ‘talking to’ this past week. Here are the complains from the ‘documenting our conversation’ email:

• You continue to find work that interests you and may not have been assigned to you.
• We recognize that you have been assigned to assist another employee and reminded you that her requests of you may not be approved by your supervisor. We are asking, once again, for you to clear your work with your supervisor.
• …Your supervisor stated she needs to watch and listen more closely as to what you are working on than others in the department… [this is unfair, my supervisor never talks to me, I hear her complaining about all the work she has so I don’t bother her]
• You have stated before that your duty statement indicates an Office Technician should take initiative in their job. We do not expect this to occur at this stage of your employment…

Ending with “I want to recognize you for your enthusiasm for your work. You have volunteered for assignments and truly seem to enjoy your job.” That’s nice, much nicer than the previous 2^nd level manager.

What she didn’t include is that someone turned me in for watering some potted plants in front of a unit. Bone dry, in the middle of a 100 degree heat wave and someone rats on me for watering plants? I had to practice some serious impulse control when she said that (like ‘take this job and…’) I got out of her office, in shock and disbelief, and continued my day, but there’s a happy ending. Later she called me into her office and explained that she had worked in this same office 10 years ago, and that she and another employee had planted the geraniums in the two, half-wine barrels at our front door. When she left no one has cared for them (they look dead), would I be willing? "Honey, you have found the perfect person." Look out, we’re going to have the most beautiful potted plants on campus!

Many blessings,

Karla, mom, k.j.