Captain's Log #52 - Covid-19, Week 8 & 9

May 7, I'd been getting a slight sore throat for a couple of days; this is the height of hay fever season. Then I woke up twice in a fever and thought, uh oh. I know it's just a cold on top of hay fever, it wants to be a sinus infection. Because the mood in the office is paranoid about someone bringing the virus into our space I knew I couldn't show up with a runny nose, they would have tarred-and-feathered me, to heck with social distance. I would be a pariah, and me, the one haranguing them all the time about their lack of "respiratory etiquette." So, I got dressed, packed my lunch, drove into work and told the woman at the gate my symptoms. She sent me home after I spoke with her supervisor, "You should have called in sick." Yeah, if I do that I use my own sick leave, which I've used up already, if you send me home I get paid sick leave and have to stay home for 7 days. Because of the virus, the administration has developed a new protocol for how to deal with sick employees, I'm giving them the opportunity to practice. Fortunately, I was able to get a coronavirus test yesterday.

 About testing, I read in my news-feed that one guy was suggesting that if they tested everyone every two weeks and followed up on positives, we could stop the virus in its tracks. I couldn't endure getting tested every two weeks. This one time, yes, as a baseline and to allay the fears of my co-workers. Yesterday, I drove into Napa for the drive-through-testing. They have it very well organized. You drive your car into a queue, keep your windows rolled up, show your paper confirmation and your photo ID through your window. A small plastic package is placed under your windshield wiper and you drive to the next station. The nurse who administered the procedure was friendly, informative and professional, she'd make a good friend. She indicates for you to roll your window down halfway. She says that some people with seasonal allergies say the solution on the end of the swab stings, "Do you have allergies?" I nodded. She tells you to tilt your head back against the headrest, "Perfect." Then she lightly, deftly inserts this thin blue swab with a tip of cotton on the end, into your nose and, Bam! It must have had wasabi on it! Or horseradish. Some people like the experience of hot peppers, those people might enjoy getting tested. For others of us... not in my nose! and every two weeks? Not a chance. I see why they have you in your car, head against the headrest. If you weren't, you fly backwards, fall and break something, like a hip. Yes, doing it in your car is safest. It took over an hour for the pain to slowly diminish. I had to treat myself to a KFC drive-though lunch. I have done my civic duty, I encourage you to do yours. (Test was negative.)

May 16. It turns out the CDC recommends a total of 10 days off if you have symptoms. So, three days with a cold in bed reading through my stack of New Yorker magazines and 7 days lounging around doing a little weeding, dishes and chopping mealey worms for our nest of Bluebirds. They haven't found the worms but the weather's been decent, a little sun, a little rain - good for bugs. There are at least 5 nestlings making a racket each time a parent shows up. It must be pretty crowded in there. Last year we had a cold snap, no bugs and the parents abandoned their first brood of 6 nestlings. It was very sad. I cleaned out the box (including pouring boiling water into the cleaned out box and letting it dry thoroughly in the sun .) The parents came back when the weather warmed up and raised another brood. Meanwhile, I'm a nervous nelly patrolling for neighborhood cats. We also have a nest of California Towhees in the wild grape hedge outside our bedroom window: us quietly tip-toeing around with the curtains closed.

I was back at work Friday and, as usual, everyone was talking to each other at once. The woman across the aisle shouted, "Oh, listen. It hasn't been this loud for days! Everyone's here!" while I'm hunkered over my phone with a finger stuffed in my ear trying to retrieve voicemails. I'm glad she was happy. At the end of the day, as she left, she shouted over her shoulder, "Karla, you come back to work next week!" It's a pretty nice group, they deserve their own sitcom.

A Mother's Day response

Dear son, thank you for the three hour phone call last Sunday. As I recall you had two complaints, 1.) we never speak about tough topics and 2.) I never told you what you wanted to know about women. You are mostly correct on both counts. About tough topics, when you were young, under 11, I poured out to you all of my worldly wisdom thinking you would learn from it and grow. Imagine my disappointment when we were driving east on Napa Road, just before 8th Street East and I noticed that you had stopped listening. You had retreated into your own thoughts. I stopped talking, it was useless. You were going to do your thing. And, too, I didn't want you to get in the habit of lying so I stopped asking questions that I thought you would feel obligated to lie about. We talked about the weather - a lot. For myself, as a youth, I was the Master of The White Lie; mostly, I didn't tell my mother all of the truth, it wouldn't make her happy. "Yeah, I'm driving your brand-new, sparkly-maroon '65 Mustang full of my friends and one guy in the trunk - and we're all stoned." I didn't think she'd like it. But she did tell me that if I got stopped by the cops at night I was not to call her until the morning, this had a sobering impact on my behavior. And then there was the Real Lie when I convinced her that my girlfriend's boyfriend was driving us to Yosemite to camp when, it fact, at 17, I hitchhiked there with a long-haired, 25-year old Vietnam veteran I picked up in a summer college sociology class. We listened to Mungo Jerry's In The Summertime all across the Central Valley. Fortunately, he was a gentleman, although I could have ended up dead in a ditch. I didn't discuss 'tough topics' with my mother and had idea that you would want to. Apparently, that is not the case. My father dealt with tough topics with his belt in his upraised hand, not much discussion there.

About short-changing you on advice about women, what? I gave you a copy of the Joy of Sex when you turned 16, what else is there to say, except, "Anything worth doing, is worth doing well." And honestly, at your age I think you could write a book about all you've learned about women. You didn't like my advice that women like men with clean ears. I still think it's good advice. If you're keeping your ears clean you're probably taking a shower once a day and wearing clean clothes and hopefully doing your own laundry and dishes, living in a tidy space and are thoughtful about your career choices and future plans. Women like these things. It starts with keeping your ears clean. Look, women are individuals, some talk too much, some, like me, hardly talk at all. There is a concept about "over-filling or under-filling the space."  Some people over-fill it by talking too much. Me? I can be accused of under-filling it, BUT nothing pisses me off more than a man who pontificates. They enjoy nothing more than the sound of their own voices telling their old stories. I hate it!  Make an effort to get to know me. Ask questions. Here's some suggestions from Vertellis:

• Which personal achievement are you most proud?
• Which moment would you most like to relive?
• What was your biggest mistake?
• What is one of the most valuable lessons you have learned?
• What was your most memorable day?

"What were some of the turning points in your life?"  from  Conversation Starter/First Date Questions  Ask me questions, stop being all-about-yourself, all-the-(f-ing) time. 

I mentioned that what helped me the most was thinking through my parent's past and finally coming to the conclusion that, given their genetics and personal experiences, they did the best they could under the circumstances. It's a liberating. It frees you from the shackles of your own self-limiting stories. That was my experience, yours may differ.

As I said, if you have any topics you'd like to discuss, make a list and we can schedule a time. I'm happy to talk about anything.

How are you handling this quarantine? 

Me, I'm lucky I have a job because I learned that Safeway delivers alcohol to your door...

Many blessings,

Karla, mom, k.j.