Captain's Log #59 - A 2020 Christmas Covid-19 Lockdown Check-in

 At 4:30 the other morning a frightful sore throat woke me up. "Oh no, here we go." Should I get up and gargle warm salt water? Since I know the problem with covid is the body's overreaction, I took my temp (no fever), a Tylenol and went back to bed. When we were up and about I told Kevin about my throat, and to keep his distance. He said, "You were snoring so loud last night I had to sleep in the other room!"  Thus the sore throat.

When I began working at the Vet's Home last year one of the men in my office had an unusual hair cut. He was Puerto Rican with golden-brown skin, black eyes and thick, black hair. He said he spent over $100 on his haircut which was shaved 3/8 inches long on the sides and back with a patch of longer hair on top, carefully trimmed to a glossy, mounded pelt. I admired his commitment to the style (all it needed was glass eyes and a tail.) Then covid hit and salons were shut down, everybody's hair grew. I was jealous that I didn't have a two-inch strip of dark brown roots like most of the women, I was out of place with just one-color hair. The weeks dragged on. Hair grew. My Puerto Rican friend let his beard grow: thick, black, glossy, very attractive as beards go. Then he came in with a clean face and 1/4-inch fuzz on his head. He broke, he capitulated to the lockdown. Soon other men in the office came in with shaved heads. My hair was shaggy but not unmanageable. I waited until the lockdown was lifted, got a trim and felt civilized again. I was fired in September (more on that later) got my last haircut then and vowed to let it grow until the pandemic was over! That lasted three and a half months then I began methodically researching electric hair clippers, slowly plodding through Amazon, reading reviews: I was going to shave my head and dye the stubble bright blue! (the contrast to my orange hair) I couldn't stand my hair in my collar, hanging over my ears, tickling my forehead, it was driving me nuts! I was going to cut it all off in protest to this crummy year and covid-19! A vaccine is months away, the hair will grow out and eventually get trimmed. But who's hand-eye coordination could I trust? I know I couldn't do it perfectly,  Kevin would try his best but... So the last day before the new 3-week December-lockdown I booked a haircut with my stylist, the only person whose hand-eye coordination I trust. She was shocked that I wanted a buzz cut but she didn't have time for a color job, which was probably a good thing, it's something I could do myself. She dutifully buzzed off 3 inches, "Goodbye, hair!" And, on her own initiative, left a perfectly groomed pelt on top. I like it, but in retrospect, it's not smart to get a shave just before the weather turns frightfully cold. I haven't decided about the blue, yet.

The upshot about leaving the Vets Home, the last news you had was that I was disputing the 'rejection during probation' with the State Personnel Board. There was supposed to be a phone 'hearing' October 30 and I was to defend myself, call witnesses and provide evidence OR reach a settlement with the Vets Home attorney. I reached out to their attorney, we connected. I wanted to stay at the Home and be reassigned to another department, they wanted to hide the rejection report, let me submit a Voluntary Resignation Letter and not let me come back. I connected with an attorney to represent me who told me to just accept their offer. "Where's the fun in that?" But I am coachable, I took his advice and approved the 'settlement.' I feel I had the last laugh as my 'reason for leaving' was all about their abysmal respiratory etiquette and the lack of safeguards practiced in the office. Every word was true, except that it was the reason I left. Boy, I'm glad I'm not there now.  According to an article in the Napa Valley Register, November 16, 11 people living at the home, including three in nursing care, have tested positive for the virus, and that's not counting the staff, many who work at other elder-care facilities. I don't know what's happening now but if it's the slow burn I imagine, there is a lot of anxiety, or near panic, on campus. I'd hate to be in that office with my former co-workers. I hope they are saying, "She was right all along! It is airborne. We should have listened to her." Yeah, well, I can think that. Whatever. I'm just grateful I'm not there. My son reminds me that the second part of my leaving is reporting them to OSHA and our local Congressional Representative for fraud against the vets. Ok, I'll get on that.

Boy, this Christmas lockdown is a trip. Generally, Kevin and I are not social people but, heck! it would be nice to have some options! I had a sit down with myself and asked: what makes Christmas Christmas for you? It turns out it's putting out replicas of my mother's bubble lights on a wreath on the dining table, making cookies and listening to Christmas music. While making cookies - much more time consuming when you don't have help (Brian) - I remembered Christmases past: my mother choosing and decorating a Scotch Pine tree with her bubble lights (I wish I had her old ornaments), her serving eggnog with brandy in her special China tea cups on Christmas morning, opening stockings with a tangerine and walnuts in the toe - every time - the silly windup toys; the tin of dates from Auntie Ed, the occasional tinned fruit cake (they were good!); eating off the good China and silver with the best tablecloth, the faces of family flickering in the candlelight. When I had a family of my own we decorated a Ficus tree with tiny ornaments that Brian acquired from the annual Advent calendars. When he was young we had to protect the tree, and ornaments, with a wooden baby barrier. Christmas really is for children. Kevin's family, with 5 siblings, really do Christmas! No holds barred, all out: people and ornaments and potlucks, Turkey (and hams), and gift exchanges (organized by the women-Dillons). A steamy house packed with happy, loving, creative people! It's been a real joy to be included in their family. It's certainly not like that this year but it has been fun remembering while making cookies. You know, you can pull up a 9-hour fire in a fireplace on YouTube. It is strikingly cozy.

How do we cope? Some people participate in organized Zoom art or yoga classes - good for them! I'm clearly not living up to my potential, as per usual. I stay up late, I sleep late. During the day I lurch from project to project: a little painting, a little mask making, a little spinning and knitting, a little writing, an occasional walk, recently making cookies, and in the evening quite a bit of binge TV watching with occasional knitting next to the woodstove. I am unhinged, untethered, unmoored, drifting. You? But I'm ok with it, I've given myself permission to get-off-my-case, and do what I want. Things are getting done, mostly, the dishes, the laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, so why not drift in whatever ocean the creative winds blow? What am I going to do with all these cookies?

That's how this pandemic Christmas is playing out for me - but know that I am thinking about you, wondering how you're doing and wishing you much love!

Happy Holidays 2020!

Karla, mom, k.j.

A recent painting, Autumn Inspiration. Not great art but an excuse to get my brushes wet.